The first tear

As i told many of you before we left, i had fully expected to burst into tears upon seeing the Africa Mercy. I've wanted to come here for so many years, thought about it, prayed about it and just truly hoped that one day i would be here. But, to my amazement, once we drove around the gates to the pier and I saw the Africa Mercy in all of it's hugeness, I felt calm and peace. I couldn't have mustered a tear even if i wanted to. (Well, an onion would have done it, but that's not the point here).

I've settled in here with no trouble, attended various orientations and still, that same surreal peace surrounded me. I'm not saying that it was a bad thing! I saw patients like the one's pictures are used on the web site and other Mercy Ships publications, and still felt very little emotion. As a nurse, we all learn in our own way how to detach ourselves from our patients emotionally. We see things that are unimaginable to the majority of the world and think nothing of it. We have to, or we couldn't do what we do. But, I worried in the first two days that I was detaching myself from Africa. I wondered where those feelings were that made me want to come here in the first place. Here, of all places, I felt very little.

But then it came. My second day on the ward, I took a toddler to the OR with her mom. On the ward she loved to play and was so full of smiles. The OR nurse checked her chart, prayed with her, and carried her in. Her mother sat on the bench, stoic in all of her African beauty, and trustfully relinquished her daughter over to us. She smiled and bowed her head. Then she began to cry, saying "I don't want to cry, i don't know why I am crying. It is God's blessing that she is here and can have this surgery. I am so thankful." In this moment, everything hit at once. The tears flowed. The reality of the life changing services provided by the Mercy Ships is astounding.

I have so much to learn

adrienne